Madhehebu yetu

A man is walking across a bridge, when he sees another guy about to jump off.
"Hey, man" he says, "you don't have to do that."
"Why not?" the other guy says, "I've got nothing to live for. I lost my job, I'm bankrupt, my wife left me and took the kids, my car threw a rod, and my dog just died. My life totally sucks."
"But God still loves you," the man says, "you believe in God, don't you?"
"Well, I guess so," the guy says.
"Tell me, are you a Christian?"
"Yes" the guy answers.
"Well, so am I!" the man says. "Catholic or Protestant?"
"I'm Protestant"
"Well, so am I!" "Methodist, or Baptist, or Presbyterian?"
"I'm Baptist."
Well, so am I!" "Northern or Southern Baptist?"
"Northern Baptist."
"Well so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist, liberal, or reformed?"
"Northern fundamentalist."
"Well, so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist eastern region, or Great Lakes region?"
"Northern fundamentalist, eastern region."
"Well, so am I!" "Northern fundamentalist, eastern region conference of 1898, or conference of 1912?"
"Northern fundamentalist, eastern region, conference of 1912."
"Die, heretic!" the man says, and pushes him off the bridge.